no, he came in my armpit
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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