Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
