i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
