Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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