i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
