Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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