Fuck appropriateness.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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