It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
