On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
