i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
