I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The uberlube is also flammable
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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