my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
50% drunk capacity currently
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
