I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
