I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize