tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh god it's open bar.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
