This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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