dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
