he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize