maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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