pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
