So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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