i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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