Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
