im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
