About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
