I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
