I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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