She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
