We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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