if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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