i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
