You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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