that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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