The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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