We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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