i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize