when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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