they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
