you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize