i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
