when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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