I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
