Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is wine microwaveable?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
