saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
