he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
