when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
