if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
