I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
