Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize