I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
