The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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