come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
