the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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