Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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