I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize