how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
