he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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