You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
