He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
