If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
