guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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