I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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