dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
