she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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