they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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