Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
