I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
